selfish for you

please, please me
seize me, freeze for me
appease the need for selfish tendencies
lie, you create enemies, living with felonies
looking for a life long remedy
living in the seventies, longing for memories
in my twenties, i feel the need
for you to feel free, i ignore me
i treed, looking from a high
asking for you to look for the blue sky
for you to spy, for you to look at time
this is it, this is the ride
this is your life
all i want is for you to feel the prize
no longer strife, pull the knife
to live this life

real brutality

i wouldn’t even wish this upon you
i’m not that cruel
to make someone fall in love with you
only to rip them apart, all while the person
that raised them dies in front of their eyes
i’m not as cruel as you
it’s like april fools
cheers to you, tears to you
now my fears revolve around you
i hope one day you’ll evolve
i hope one day my fears dissolve
and i hope one day my daily thoughts do not involve you

you love me in my dreams

my dreams are full of you
the theme always follows you
those damn jeans, they’re always on you
my heart drops as i look at you
i know i’m dreaming, but i’m gleaming
i’m no longer screaming
the voices are no longer scheming
my tears are no longer teaming
the night’s always redeeming
because i see you and i’m beaming
but i awake and i break
i’m back in the lake and i feel so fake
had everything at stake
but you slammed the break
and everything began to quake
next time i won’t embrace
so i don’t have to escape
i’ll be okay

thoughts after a coma

have you ever, been ever, lived ever
a zombie, this body, i drink my coffee
i think, i become afraid, quite awfully
scared that i’ll get into a coma and forget we ended it
i awake and i smell your aroma, i think
are you somewhere in oklahoma
did you ever finish school, get your diploma
i remember, you weren’t too far from corona
we lived so close, back in arizona
i lived for your persona, i remember
thanksgiving in barcelona
did you ever go, i remember, forever
but i call, no answer, do i remember
did you have cancer
are you alive
or did i forget the stricken ember
what if this happens
and i don’t remember the disaster
and i never get an answer
and i live with an anchor
no laughter and i don’t remember anything after
i don’t remember you were just an actor
and that this chapter went faster
but it was everything that mattered
so i sit scattered
and i don’t remember
so i sit battered
and i’ll never gather
anything after

a first date

our first date, some restaurant
i can’t remember the name
but i remember everything
your face, the names
every mention you made
how we walked across to the bar
i broke a glass on the table
i probably looked unstable
thought i’d never hear
i wish it was all clear
instead it was sheer
maybe another year, my dear

what’s dignity

dignity, maybe i don’t have any
this city, it’s pretty but everyone pities
so gritty, there’s no chivalry
i live in bigotry, nothing ever runs blissfully
and my innocence, it’s instantly living in sympathy
looking back, looking for a remedy
remembering royalty, but my mind, it lives willowy
the symphony plays, i can feel the harmony
a few enemies, i know there’s no destiny
i know this is history and everyone loves differently
eventually a family, i’ll look back remembering vividly
the state you left me in, ever so timidly
remembering reality, your capability
the simplicity, the love, it was unconditionally
the validity, it ran sufficiently
my mind ran rapidly and i loved you religiously
but looking back, i lived so miserably
thinking about you constantly and wondering wishfully
i hope you find peace and realize i love you
and i’ll never be your enemy
no matter how bad you treated me